Originally Posted by
scaredikklegoth 
Day 4 sucks. A lot. I need something to look forward to. It used to be wine, now it's...? Not dying a horrible death is a good thing of course lol but I'm really craving drink today. We cant afford any though so at least it isn't accessible to me right now.
I'm sorry...but I had to chuckle there. I love you're straight-to-the-point post.
Needing something to look forward to is a biotch. As logical as it may sound, looking forward to an addiction free, healthy, productive, happy life is just not enough at times.
There's the right now to deal with and that's probably behind your feelings. I found it helpful to have a short list of things to do when I was bored or disappointed that I couldn't have the fun that I was used to having.
Right now may not be the best time to make a good solid list, but maybe you can come up with a couple. My favorite thing on my list became calling family and friends. I hardly ever talked to them in the past. I would call my grand mom, cousins, aunts, just to say hi. It was truly a blessing for me. It was so nice to hear how surprised they were to hear from me.
The trick though was to steer the topic away from me. They'd ask how I was doing and such and all I wanted to say was "super depressed, about to completely self destruct." But it was easy enough to say "Good. Man, I miss the good ol days though. Do you remember....." There was a few of em that I could talk with about my depression, my regrets, and my decision to put all that to an end.
And here's really good news for ya. You're closer to realizing the addiction free, healthy, productive, happy life than you think!
Recovery is like a curve. It gets worse and worse at first. In different ways. Each part of it has its own curve on its own timeline. I guess physical vs emotional. For me, the physical curve was the shortest but also had the most drastic changes.
When you're at the peak, that's when it's most important to ride it through. Any way you can. You gotta pay to play. Once you break through those toughest moments, it will never be as hard again. And there's a lot more joy and gratitude after the peak of that curve than before. That's when doubt starts to fade and confidence builds. There just comes a point shortly after when you say "I CAN ABSOLUTELY DO THIS!"