Lulu88

I am a 27-year-old woman who has been in a committed relationship for the past five years with 'B', we'll call him.
B is seven years older than me and has been a truck driver since he was a teenager. A lifestyle that certainly took some adjusting to, but I learned how to keep myself happy being alone all of the time, maintaining close friendships and adopting new hobbies.
Yesterday, during our routine lunchtime phone call on my break at work, I felt something was 'a little more off' than usual with him. When I asked if there was anything on his mind, he replied simply, "yes." What totaled a 20-minute conversation turned my life upside down to hear him admit to me that he's been a drug addict for the past three years.
So many emotions ran through me at once, and I guess you could say my initial response may not have come across as 'loving and fully supportive.' As heartbroken and astonished as I was to hear this, I can't say there wasn't a part of me, no matter how small, that wasn't necessarily that surprised. The last year especially, B's behavior has become erradic, impulsive, distant and verbally abusive. He's become especially quick to overreact in very angry ways over seemingly simple issues. And, once hearing of this addiciton, did explain some of the change of behavior and attitude. The verbal abuse with B has been in addition to him not coming home for days at a time, not talking to me very much at all and making me constantly question 'What in the world am I doing wrong here?"
I can't help but feel a sense of betrayal. Utter heartache. Thoughts rushed through my mind of 'How do we ever come back from this? How could I ever trust him again..with anything? Has anything been 'real' for the past three years?" After not speaking with each other after he hung up on me saying 'your reaction has been the most negative and I can't deal with you right now", we finally spoke briefly after about 30 hours of no communication. He seemed confused as to what else I needed to hear him say. My thought process over the not speaking time was that he needed to seek recovery, while understanding that would have to be something he wanted to do for himself. I don't come from a family of addiction and have never seen myself as one to 'tolerate' drug abuse, especially in a partner.
B's drug use, he explained, started with cocaine, then percocet and most recently Adderall for the past year.
In the brief conversation we just had this evening, I asked him if he was willing to seek help for recovery, to which he very bluntly replied "absolutely not, this is me and my deal, and I've got this." Again, understanding that B has to want to change and better himself, I know that the decision is up to me whether or not I stay and try to trust him and support him, or leave now. Leaving now would be for fear that he truly feels he can handle this on his own, true words from an addict, and continues to abuse drugs and the worst scenarios happen, i.e., wrecking his truck, overdosing or becoming physically violent with me.
I am so torn with what decision is truly the best. Knowing that I am the only one who can make said decision, my very compassionate and forgiving personality just wants to 'fix him' and be happy again. I have all of the faith in the world with NA, AA and therapy. But I know I can't make 'B' see the true value in help. I'm not willing to live with a drug addict and watch him continue to destroy his life and have the possibility of him destroying mine as well.
I hate to sound naieve or cynical. But I'm truly heartbroken and torn with this issue. And advice or support would be greatly appreciated.