Gonnachange

Thanks SL.

Coincidentally, this morning I got an email from a Wilmington, DE friend of mine who inquired if I wanted to run a marathon in Rehoboth Beach at the beginning of December. I declined.[/quote]

I was aware, but thanks for making sure. I'm normally pretty good about staying hydrated as even before I had breathing issues I could feel a difference in how I felt.

Musings

Without boring anyone with details, my pulmonologist and I aren't always on the same page when it comes to my treatment because she is of the belief, which I've written about before, that I'm in better shape than I believe I am. The standard that I've set is not to be healthier than most/all of her patients, but to be able to breathe as I did up until the past 2 years. I keep threatening (not to her) to find another pulmonologist that's more attuned to my goals, but the impetus to do so quickly dissipates and inertia sets in. Sad, but true.

Maybe my goals are not possible and I'm going to have to face the fact that some of the athletic endeavors I took pride in accomplishing are beyond my physical capabilities and my breathing on a daily basis will never be easy again. I'm not ready to concede just yet and while I don't expect the 2015 version of me to be able to keep up with myself from 10 years ago, I do want to be able to breathe "normally" and put as much effort into doing the best that I can without having my results curtailed by not being able to train properly. What I mean is I don't expect to be able to lift as much weight, complete a marathon run (26.2 miles) or a century bicycle race (100 miles) in as fast a time as my younger self no matter how hard I train, but I want to be able to do all of that stuff if I want to and am willing to do what's necessary to be prepared. I have and can continue to alter my lifting pace and weights so I think I'll always be able to move the iron, but if I can't breathe properly then endurance races are off the table.

I know a lot of the above must have come across as a whine-fest. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, just expressing my emotions about things that are important to me, but not the most important aspects of my life. Family and friends are far ahead in my personal hierarchy and as I've reached the point where I don't need binoculars to see my 60th birthday I may have to recognize that I'm reaching a point where my mind is willing to write checks that my body can't cash. If so, it won't be without a fight. :-)

Writing here helps me sort out my feelings and I believe helps me stay sober. Thanks SR!