As soon as I saw the title of your post, I knew I would see myself in it.
I am sober for 258 days and live with my AH and I am exactly as you describe yourself. I grew up in a very dysfunctional atmosphere (father a hoarder, mom very depressed) but no expectation of perfect performance coming from either parent.
I have been trying really hard to let go of the idea of perfectionism for myself but have miles to go before I will be able to let go of the need to present myself "perfectly" to the world.
This need to present perfectly has caused me to miss out on a lot of living. If I don't feel confident in my ability to perform perfectly I won't try at all. If I don't try, I don't fail. It is a terrible way to live.
Maybe it has something to do with trying to keep my broken, worthless self safely hidden.
hugs for all of us