I drank.
I came home and got lots of stuff done. My clothes. I went through the kitchen cabinets too.
Then my bf came home with beers for us. I hadn't told him my plans. Once they were in the house and ear marked for me it didn't take me long. I can say that I poured the beer and watched it for awhile before drinking it.
I"m so conflicted about my drinking habits. On the one side I like having a few like I did tonight. I'm not drunk right now and it's been awhile and he had the day off (we don't see a lot of each other because of our work schedules). I would miss that if I never drank again.
On the other side I don't like how it drinking has a way of taking priority with me. It sneeks in and I find myself drinking when it's not appropriate or too much than I'd like.
In the interest of transparency and honesty I owe it to the group to admit to drinking 5 tall boys tonight. If I could of gotten "away" with it I would of drank more but I have to work tomorrow. Left to my own devices if I'd chosen to drink on my way home I would of drank more like 8-10 by now.
I can't lay any of this on my bf's lap. I didn't tell him of my intentions and even if I had he's heard it all before only to see me reneg.
I honestly think that it is part of my DNA. There is no where where I could run and hide to escape it.... it is a part of me. I feel like I've come home when I drink.