This is really long and more rambly than my norm. Please excuse that. I tried to start a thread in newcomers but still can't for some reason.
Before I paste it and get all deep,I want to thank magical marcher for the knitting, I meant to do that this morning!
Ok here goes:
I almost titled the thread, "this disease sucks!"
I am very very grateful to be in recovery. I feel very strongly that I have been given a second chance at life. I had to work really hard to get here, become willing to do things I never wanted to do. I had to jump out of my comfort zone. I had to e willing to do ANYTHING to get and stay sober. It's been ridiculously worth it.
All throughout my journey, I've had an alcoholic neighbor next door. He was a teen when I met him, we don't have a lot in common so I just smile and go in when I see him. I used to be embarrassed to be like him. "Nobody" knew I was an alcoholic, so I sure as heck didn't tell him about that. He sobered up a few years ago after a stint in jail. I remember being jealous. Because I was still drinking and "nobody knew," so I couldn't talk to him about it.
Well he was in and out of sobriety, rehab, jail. Somewhere in there I sobered up myself. I started aa, but made sure to not attend meetings near him. I was embarrassed. I did the steps. At some point, my sponsor told me it was time to become a sponsor myself.
My first thought was C. Only Cdoesn't want a sponsor. And if he did, I realized he's more than I can handle. He needs someone who can cart his ass to meetings. Someone who's sponsored a ton of guys. I also think he needs a man. A man who can be his role model. I'm not the guy. Well, I'm not any guy, I'm a gal...
When c is sober, we give him odd jobs. we pay his mom and she doles out the money for cigarettes or whatever he wants that isn't booze. When he's drinking, he doesn't show up or he rings the doorbell at midnight. We have set some pretty clear boundaries over the years, which he respects for the most part.
Over the years, he's been to rehab, jail, hospital, you name it. He has enough of a mental issue to be on disability, but I don't know to what extent. This spring he came to talk when I was doing yard work, and we had a good long talk about alcoholism, sobriety, aa, life and everything. I told him I think he's a good guy and he can have a good life sober. He could learn to drive, get a job, move out. He seemed optimistic, but still justified his drinking.
I didn't try to ask the impossible, like pour out his stash. I asked him to get out his big book and put it by the bed that night so he would see it in the morning.
He still drank. I wasnt surprised, but I still hoped and prayed for him
.The saying, "never have we seen someone fail who has thoroughly followed our path" comes to mind. The part where they say anyone can recover, unless they are extensively mentally Ill or incapable of rigorous honesty.
I don't know which is the case right now, but c is very far down the scale at this point. His quacking is beyond control. It's basically "I'm a dead man anyhow, might as well drink myself there." He's 28, 30 tops! His mom won't let him in the house if he's extremely drunk, because he gets very belligerent and a little violent. We found out he's been sleeping on our porch. I know he slept there last night, I had to clean up the mess.
We are at a total loss for what to do. He's at the point he very well can drink himself to death. My partner wanted to let him stay with us last night. Me, the household alkie, I'm the one who said no! He's a good guy. But this disease makes us crazy. It makes him crazy and a little violent. I felt like a total jerk.
This morning, I called our local aa chapter. They said what I suspected: he hasn't found his bottom yet. She told us under no circumstances to let him on the house. She said if we wanted to do anything , pray for his safety. That's why I'm writing g this long, ramble of a message (sorry about that): please pray for c. If you don't pray, that's cool, but could you send him a good vibe or two?
C could be me, you, anyone on this site really. I pray he stay safe until he's ready. The aa lady said not to pray for his recovery, because we don't know his path. But I'm gonna pray for his safety until his path leads him to find his truth and his peace.
Thanks for listening