LegioVIVictrix

So now I feel like I'm on the downhill side of leaving my AW. She and I split on Jan 2, rather acrimoniously, after 10 years of marriage. She is suffering from an opiate (oxycodone) addiction that began nearly four years ago. I enabled it, initially, bargained with it, condoned and tried to manage it--hell I even started using with her for a short time. However, it simply wasn't in my nature to go down that path, though sharing that bit of darkness with her gave me critical insight into addiction and how it works and, more importantly perhaps, it gave me the awareness that, to her, nothing else mattered. Not me, not our kids, not our dreams of our future. It was perfectly acceptable to her that I could become an addict just like her. Misery loves company--and I was certainly as miserable as she in the end.
Obviously, and luckily, I hadn't developed a dependency.

So she left, taking our five year old with her. I couldn't allow her to keep our daughter knowing what I knew. I filed for, and received, an emergency hearing for custody. I also filed for limited divorce. She showed up for the emergency hearing obviously high, admitted the addiction under cross, and I was granted physical custody of the kids. She was ordered to take random drug tests. She failed the first one and became noncompliant. She was ordered into treatment, but refused to go.

Moving forward, she refused to participate in the divorce proceedings. She just didn't show up. She was found to be in default and I was awarded sole physical and legal custody, and she was allowed limited supervised visitation. She has yet to visit the kids, though she called, more or less regularly for a time--recently she didn't call for a month.

I limit my contact with her, though, from time to time, there are flurries of text messages. The usual--it's my fault, I didn't appreciate her, she found someone who does, etc., ad nauseam. My responses, if I respond, are always some form of the same message to kick clean, get yourself together...

So this is where I am, now. A single father with two young children, living paycheck to paycheck after she drained the savings we were accumulating for a mortgage down payment--about 13K all told. We are rocking and rolling, though. We have a good routine, excellent day care, family support from both sides. I just started my youngest in kindergarten and she's super excited about it. We have dance classes, soccer matches, Lego Club (who knew there was a Lego Club?), and lots of new friends.

My only remaining cause for concern--and it's a big one--is how much contact I should allow between the kids and their mom. This is the reason for my post. Frankly, I am all or nothing with regard to parenting. I think that intermittent, inconsistent contact is harmful. Further, I think that allowing her to continue to call, without setting up her visitation and using it is harmful as well. I think that it allows her to maintain a minimized relationship with the children that is probably more about her than them--almost like enabling. I think that she should work towards getting clean and becoming a reliable co-parent or she should not have any contact with the kids. I am definitely willing to work with her, but she, also, needs to work on her. It isn't personal. I just want to protect the kids as much as possible. Am I wrong, here? If so, please explain. Thank you.