I am sorry this is happening. Something very similar is happening to me. Only I do not live in the U.S.
My ex and I separated over a year ago but have only been living in separate homes for 9 months. We have a separation agreement in place and thankfully he has been paying monthly support. However getting the rest of the money matters settled has been a long drawn out process. I finally got my equity equalization payment from the value in the marital home ( that he still resides in) 3 weeks ago but it took a very long time, I still need to see my half of the retirement savings as well but he is dragging his feet on that. Getting the vehicles sorted out took 3 or 4 months from the time I left. It seems like he can only think about one thing at a time as we divide up 26yrs of being together...and it takes him months to do that. So frustrating..and I believe also controlling.
That brings me to yesterday. I contacted him about moving things forward about the divorce and the retirement fund. He said, "I will look into the retirement stuff next week when I'm home and see what we need to do there to have it split up. As for a divorce, if you want a divorce you figure it out I'm not paying for that. I went through hell trying to keep my house and I'm not dealing with that!"
WTF?! "If *I* want a divorce" ?!
He went online and found himself a woman of extremely loose morals mere weeks after we broke up and while we were still living in the same house together no less. (That was devastating)
I now have someone new in my life who is like a breath of fresh air. He was also married 20+ years to an alcoholic so we are very much on the same page about what kind of behaviors are acceptable and which aren't in a relationship. Loving and enjoying the direction this is headed.
I explained to my XAH that of course I want a divorce. We knew that was in the cards when we split up. My leaving was not a trial, it was the real deal. We both have other people in our lives now, our children are grown and we would never be getting back together so divorce is what we need to do. Again he said he doesn't care about getting divorced he cares about the cost and he isn't paying for it.
I'm at a loss here. I want this over and done with. I don't have a lot of money. My payout for my share of the equity in the house was not exactly substantial and really only gives me a bit of a cushion so I'm not living in fear while I scrimp by paycheck to paycheck.
I don't know what my next step will be. I don't know what my options are. I've looked online about how to proceed with an uncontested divorce and it is all very overwhelming to me. I don't want what little money(security) I have being gobbled up by lawyers.
So frustrated!!!
So as you can see, I totally understand and sympathize with what you are going through newme2013