Originally Posted by
resolute50 
It's a lovely Saturday morning here.
The heat has finally broke and we're enjoying a sunny temperate day.
I hope to take Leah for a walk soon and do some work around the house.
Nothing too stressful, just tidy some things up a bit.
Wendy, what is going on with your sobriety reminds me of the time I quit in 2007. I had found out that I was suffering from high blood pressure and pre-diabetes. Now that I look back it seems it was a
fear based response to stop. I didn't want to get full blown diabetes or have a stroke from the HBP.
So, I quit for 14 months. Worked hard. lost weight and exercised daily.
Why did I start drinking again?
I got a "good job, you're completely healthy again".
Within a month I was trying to "moderate".
Back to full blown drinking and passing out again.
It wasn't until 2013 that I finally stopped for good.
Problem is, now I have full blown diabetes.
Seems to have gotten worse over this past year.
Scary part is, I'm not obese or terribly overweight.
Somewhere along the line I have damaged something that didn't return to normal. I need to pick myself quite often to check my glucose levels.
Watch what I eat and exercise when I can.
It's frustrating to know that I could have stopped this years ago.
I don't want to see you do something to your body that is irreversible, Wendy.
It poisons our minds and our bodies.
We both want to be around when our kids get married, and to help them with their issues in life.
Bob , you have no idea how much your words connect with me. You are so super smart and logical. You bring such a peace to your posts that we just sit back and say ' wow ' why didn't I think of that , it's so bloody obvious.
Do you think somehow , that when they tell us everything is all good again Bob that it almost gives a green light to have a drink as we dodged a bullet.
I'm sure there was a little ounce of that in my alcoholic thought process. Why is it that we then go out and sabotage what should just have been let be .
I feel as though I'm playing Russian Roulette with my life. It worked once so maybe I'll be lucky again. Now how is ithat for ridiculous thinking.
I feel different today, I still feel very strong and although it's only day two I feel stronger than ever. I loveed my life sober and it's time to get off this merry-go-round, its bloody exhausting. Excruciatingly so!
I'm like Crois , I don't like the counting thing. I think it put s too much pressure on us. Well it does for me & Crois anyhow .
We are all different I suppose. Today is a beautiful sunny day I can't really take advantage of it asI've had my medication and feel very groggy. I just feel safer inside for a little while.
you guys have been my lifeline, thank you.
I know for a fact I would have drunk again had I not come here and had some sense smacked into me LOL.
Holly has just been driven back so that saves me a four hour trip she knows I'm groggy but still wants to come and sit in bed with me.
How lucky am i'll get up and have a shower and we can take the pups for a walk even if it's just around the block. I've got to maintain some form of normalcy with her.
I'm going to get a journal like the one Crois told me to get with Ryleigh. It's really helped. So now I'm going to write about my time in rehab & my thoughts . I'll do penning instead of picking up.
I love writing . Xxx