Hello my Friends,
I was just rereading this thread. Thank each and every one of you who responded & prayed for me. Also, thank you if you even just looked at it and prayed for me. I realize this gaping ache in my heart is because of his choices to get lit & loaded. In reflection, I saw the word motive was in the postings. I realize my motive Was just to show support & kindness. Perhaps I wished my text (even with no response back) would be more comforting than his drink, lines, or pot. But, I'm sure those factors in his life are more important then a kind gesture. I guess what hurts the most is my ego-specifically: if he got it together, why hasn't he reached out to me, he loved me & so did his family. That's what hurts. I don't know for sure if he has pulled it together or not- he's lost a lot of weight from the photo I saw of him- but the drink was in front of him. A friend of mine who is recovering alcoholic saw his photo and said he looked like a "waster" . I told him what my ex said, "AA doesn't work for me baby" !! My recovering friend said, "ohhh, he's so special huh? (He meant that sarcastically) forget him Bernie" go on and have a life with a man who loves you & doesn't need any substances to exist. I know, I know this, I honestly just feel so pissed off that his enabling friends & toxic booze/drug habits won over me-- talk about ego on my half huh?! Anyway, thank you all for your great advice. Much love & peace to all of you. Love, Bernie