Hi guys - been a rough couple of days. I am trying not to revert to my old habits of pushing people away and holing up in my house. My oldest daughter and I had an intense exchange of emails yesterday. She is so full of hatred and anger towards me that I fear we will never get a relationship back in place. My sponsor reminds me that every person has to walk their own path and all I can do is work on being the best me that I can. I get all that but I am still sad over the loss. I miss her. I feel desperate to convince her that I am not this terrible person she has made me out to be. Our emails yesterday just further proved to me that there is nothing I can say to change her mind.
AA Guy is all up in my a$$ about talking things out and how worried about me that he is and honestly, all of that just makes me want to avoid him more. He told me last night - just don't push me away. I just want to be alone. It has nothing to do with him. Sigh. Just more guilt on top of the already crappy feelings.
I know this is not my normal posting mood. Just needed to get that out there.
WD - I like what you posted above. So many of my happiest changes were decisions I made on the fly as a way to put myself out there more than anything else. No reward without risk.
How are you all doing?