Originally Posted by
DoubleDragons 
Cindy, as usual, your posts are incredibly helpful. I have been experiencing more anxiety than usual and you are right, gratitude lists and thinking of things that I can do for others really helps with this.
My husband and I had a very good clearing of the air. As painful as it was, I think it was needed. We are both codependent, people pleasing types from dysfunctional backgrounds. So, we are both really good at holding everything in until it all just explodes. We both talked about each of us having individual needs that have to be fulfilled in our own ways. While I don't miss the particulars of my old job, I do miss having a job, so I am going to be working on my resume this week or weekend and start putting some feelers out.
Also, I am seriously considering joining AA, mostly because I think I could greatly benefit from doing the steps and working with a sponsor, especially when I hear how beneficial your relationship has been, Cindy. Also, I would like to meet some fun, sober people to hang out with. How did you find your sponsor? How did you know she is the right one? Honestly, I have huge trust issues and somehow, I always seem to end up in relationships where I am the helper/guider/leader. I really don't want to fall into that trap because I feel like I really need some help and guidance from an emotional sobriety viewpoint.
Thanks again, Cindy!
You're welcome! The cool thing about AA is that you don't have to join or not join. You can go to a meeting (or 10) and just check it out. There are all types of meetings too. Open meetings are for everyone - they usually have a speaker or two and the "audience" doesn't participate. There are gender specific meetings, meetings on the big book of AA and meetings on the 12 steps, there are also open topic meetings where someone in the group brings up whatever issue they are experiencing that is affecting their peace of mind. There are smoking, nonsmoking, indoor, outdoor, meetings in churches, coffee shops, whatever. They are everywhere and my point is if you go and you don't like it maybe try a different one before you throw in the towel.
This is my 3rd sponsor. The first two were not good. Just being honest. Thing is...it's not a marriage and you have to do what keeps YOU sober. If that means you move onto the next person then so be it. I listened to the women in meetings and tried to pick out those that I relate to that talk about working the steps and using the program as a way of life. AA is made up of working the steps, going to meetings (fellowship) and service to others (in any capacity, not just AA). Have a couple of conversations and see who does more talking - you or them...pick the listener.
It might take a couple of tries but it is worth it to find the right person. I love working with my sponsor. I have learned more in this last three months then the rest of the time combined in my almost two years. In my whole life!
Best thing about AA for me is that people don't give me advice, they don't tell me what I should do. They tend to share their similar experiences and that gives me other ways to look at things. I have also learned so much about spirituality. I am not a religious person at all and church is not my thing. But I can get with being part of a universe in sync and am comfortable with the idea of a creator or great spirit behind it all. I am so much more at peace now.
I'd be happy to answer any questions you might have. It works for me and I have met so many great people that do fun things, sober. I would love to see the looks on the people's faces when you go in and tell them it's your first meeting and you have been sober almost two years. LOL that is most definitely not the usual.
One last thing from me - your continued search to be a better person is one of my favorite things about you. It's what brought you here, it's what got you sober, just a guess but I am sure it is one of the reasons your hubs loves you as a partner. It is an inspiring characteristic you have. Don't give up on that ever!
XOXO