Whodey, you are right. What I am experiencing is growing pains. I need balance. My life used to look like this: Do what I think others expect of me. Look the part. Do my best. Follow the formula and everything will turn out perfectly and controlled. Squelch my feelings/needs with alcohol. I only matter if I am needed, if I provide the competence for others lives. But then seething with resentments that these people aren't reciprocally fulfilling my needs. (even though that is not their job to do it)
Change is scary. I think the level of rage, anger, hurt and resentment that came tumbling out of me this weekend, shocked both my husband and myself. I want the quick and easy fix. But recovery is a process and I need to trust myself and the Universe to work through this recovery in God's time, not my time.