Hi Undies,
Dear BF, thank you for checking in. I have been thinking about you since your last post. While I do not post often, I do lurk. I am really happy to read about your finding an addiction therapist. Kudos, and my best with that. I too combined therapy, AA and SR as my recovery of choice. Each offering a different look and perspective on addiction.
On the AA front, I would "suggest" the following because I know it has worked for many. Consider doing a 90 in 90 days. In my case, I actually went for all but 17 days in my first 10 months. Relinquishing my driving privileges was all that slowed that process down.
It wasn't osmosis, but assmosis that helped me to better understand why it says in how it works...rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. That foundation from repeated attendance has served me quite well...especially in the challenging times.
I remember so very much from those early days. Too much to bore you with...but here are a few:
1. We are only as sick as our secrets. Wow, that was my lesson #1. Once I made a commitment to stop fooling myself and others things started getting better.
2. Years of searching for answers on why I drank...a few hundred therapy session included were whipped out the 6th day when the man who became my first temp sponsor heard me belly aching about poor me while talking to another after a mtg. He stops, looks at me and says, "Do you want to know why you drink?" I said yes...and I did. He say it is because I am an alkie and that is what we do...we drink. Seems simple...almost too simple. I wanted to blame others, my environment, anything but plain and simple ME. That day I took ownership and this weight was lifted.
3. I would hear to stay till the miracle happens. No burning bush here...but I have had a half a dozen miracles happen since that day I heard that...minimum.
Again, just a few early promises that came to pass. Taking my "suggestions" further...consider getting a temporary sponsor and start doing the steps. Consider doing some service work...i.e. - a greeter, coffee maker. Go early - stay late.
These are all things that I did and it is resulting in a life that is for the most part filled with peace and serenity...even happy, joyous and free often. That first 24 hour chip is white for a reason; to surrender to a new way of life. The color white signifies surrender. Haha, the paradox is that if you surrender you become free.
In other news...well, when I started in AA 28 months ago it was at the same time as two other men with similar stories. We became fast friends. Since then, one has moved due to a job promotion...still very active in AA. He has recaptured a relationship with his son and ex...well, I could go on. The promises have and continue to fill his life.
The other relapsed after 8 months. I ran into him two weeks after he relapsed. It was at a grocery store. He was weaving back and forth in an isle walking towards me. I was there to buy coffee and treats for the meeting I was about to chair that evening. I offered to drive him to the meeting and back to get his car...he declined, saying he would see me at the Thursday mtg...this was a Wednesday.
Well, in that short time, he had been in a bar fight and his weaving was due to a loss in equilibrium...in fact, he wasn't drunk at that moment. To cap this nice little run in like 10 days off, he had lost his job.
I never saw or heard from him since. Funny thing, I did inquire about him to someone else a couple weeks ago. Well, on Monday night, the fellow I asked about him with pulled out his cell and showed me a mug shot from the local newspaper from that day. It seems he was arrested this past weekend for attempted murder. Thankfully he must be a bad aim and/or no doubt drunk as he missed with 6 attempts at taking another mans life.
The man I knew in the program was so grateful for sobriety, his new job...his relationship repairs...etc - etc.
I am thoroughly convinced that if I ever drink again....the only outcome that awaits is jails, institutions or hopefully death.
In other brief news...I found out that another Undie friend that left to test controlled drinking is now hospitalized and very ill. The experiment failed!
I'm not always so negative...but there are just some days that this monster we battle pisses me off.
Carlos