I have always used the Wounded Healer approach in my dealings with people who come to me with problems.
Most of the time I am most useful as a listener. Sometimes I'm called upon to advise other women, and I try to keep my answers brief. I have learned to avoid too much active commiseration while people are in the act of sharing their burdens, lest my experiences come off like a "can you top this" of life problems.
My most effective tool is general transparency. In my function as ladies' small group leader, I freely confess sins I'm dealing with and ask for help and prayer for them. When I need to speak on a topic, I choose something that I myself have struggled with and gained insight on.
Sharing my individual insight--what I've learned from suffering--gives hope.