What's up with the heart, LB? Any insight come from the monitoring?
I would like to hear something from TL and Muhv.
I've had a mixed week. Usually pretty grateful to be where I am, but have had some brutal bouts of self assessment, given my persistent addiction, the awesome impotence I have in its shadow. You know the routine, the bipolar swing in the course of a day. I would easily hire my intellect as a lawyer, if I needed one in a criminal action, for its power in laying out the costs of my drinking habit, and the benefits of extricating myself from it. Makes a formidable case. Migod, that intellect is so good. So impressive. But the dark knight character can just switch that guy off in a flash: (where'd he go?!) I did some reading of the Mindful path to addiction recovery on strategies to deal with craving and aversion, but I seem to be skipping the craving stage. Of course, disappointment and a kind of shame can be whited out quickly, but the scarring remains, I think.
I'm not sure that I've ever had as little control as I have now.
To be clear: I'm not the kind of alcoholic who downs a bottle of rye and comes home every other night with black eyes. I don't drink and drive. I actually perform reasonably ably, given the huge price I pay daily, cognitively and physically. So: the optimist in me feels I'm on a path that is offering insights at every step. And some ain't pretty.
So, that's been my week. There you have it. Thanks for listening.