I never thought I could grieve sober either - the pain seemed SO immense - but I found I was capable of far more than I realised.
I just needed to give myself the chance.
Drinking while grieving means not coping with anything AF - the wound remains open and sore and it's still there when we sober up.
I really really hope you'll decide to deal with this in a better healthier way because it's a major step in learning to live sober and getting through our grief.
D