OMW- i know, i feel stupid for drinking, didn't even enjoy it. Just drank it because it was there. stupid.
I think you are in the waiting zone in your life. You know you need to do something, and it's not what you're doing right now. You have a big life change that needs to be challenged. Kids are smarter then you think, they feed off your vibes. If you are sad, you are raising sad kids. You are a great mother and a smart professional lady, you will know when the time is right. You have already done the mental separation, divided bank accounts, etc... now you need to get it on paper. That waiting zone is a very horrible place to be. It is natural to feel down and lost, minutes turn into hours. Don't be so hard on yourself, it's natural to feel like crap during a separation. It is one of the top stressor in our life.
Your kids will be fine, especially with you as their mother, a sober mother.
Also, never stop taking antidepressants cold turkey, bad bad bad. not good, people have done horrible things doing that.
Take care> i will never drink again and you keep kicking av to the curb.
Getting my truck was the best thing for me, now I can get things done instead of funning around in circles.