I really hope you find the right plan and right support to help you stop.
It's a side note but I find the drinking by adults at a kids party really 'off' - especially when it's time to go home and everyone heads to their cars with kids in tow.
Don't misunderstand me - I'm not a parent and if I had been I would have doubtless done the same but worse..I'm not blasting you or anyone else.
I just find it one of those weird societal things that boggle my mind now.
I think you're better than that Patricia - you just have to believe it.
Make a definite plan - get some outside help if you're really finding this difficult - doctor, counsellor, outpatient rehab - what ever it takes..
D