Originally Posted by
lillamy 
Well, here's my 25 cents, fwiw:
You're not 13 years old. There's no reason to accept guessing and playing games in relationships unless you
want that. If you're wondering what he feels, what he wants, why he still has an online dating profile, etc -- why don't you
ask him? Why don't you ask him if he sees you as an exclusive dating couple, or if you're just one woman he's sort of test-driving?
I know I'm about as romantic as a pile of firewood, but to me, the things you mention (dating site still active; wife's pictures still on FB, not
asking you to be his girlfriend) are things I couldn't live with. I'd want to know. Life's too short to go around wondering when you're perfectly able to communicate clearly.
Yeah, I'm not a romantic person either, LOL. I don't mind the wife's pictures thing honestly. I know a lot of people who keep up old albums because they don't manage their FB stuff and don't take the time to download pics or whatever.
As for the girlfriend labeling thing and the website, yeah that's an issue and I know I need to address it with him. I almost brought it up last night but we were having a good time and joking around for some reason more than usual and I felt the topic was a bit too serious for where we were at last night.
He has his kids again for the next 5 days so my sponsor and I are going to sit down and actually do some role playing on conversations and how I can bring it up with him while being honest and true to myself.
Oh, and what I neglected to reveal about the dating website stuff: I came about the information that he has his profile up through my own subversive measures. I created a fake profile and was able to view his latest activity. Most of the time it would say, 'active within 3 days or 5 days' but sometimes it would say, 'active within 24 hours'. So, I knew he wasn't checking it every single day but still......then I realized that I was being a subversive codependent freak spying on him and had some program friends hold me accountable and I deleted my fake profile 2 weeks ago. I haven't checked since no matter how hard it's been because I don't want to be in a relationship where I have to tell someone that I was spying on them.......that's NOT healthy. So, I've thrown caution to the wind and I feel much better just letting it go. He's going to have to decide when and if he is going to cancel or remove that account. I know he's not dating anyone else because we spend every free night he has together.
All in all, he's a good man albeit sometimes boring. We get along well and have fun and right now, I'm ok with that. I'd like to know more about where I stand with him and that's why I'll use my sponsor to help me walk through it and bring it up when the timing is right. I don't think he's going anywhere right now and I have no plans to search elsewhere either. So, for now, I need to just remember that I'm coming out of a 20 year marriage and I know that he's nervous about that having been there himself. I honestly believe that he's been treading lightly with me so I don't get scared off and run away....which I am tempted to do at times, not because of him but because of my own fears and the fact that I haven't spent much time as a 'single' person. I may decide soon that I want to date again...who knows? And, I think he may have that thought in the back of his mind, too. But, I won't know until I ask him and I need to get over that fear and just do it.