Thanks Bbb, I know balance is the key and I'm trying to be patient with myself. Being sober I notice everything and I am very aware of "why" I drank. It just smoothed the edges. But the price is just way too high anymore.
I considered drinking today more than I have all week. I could feel myself just kind of throwing my hands up in the air, tired of trying so darn hard all the time. But then I thought of my precious sleep and how good I have been feeling both mentally and physically. Thank goodness.
The relief of my relationship being over is strange to me as I am usually so devastated at this point. We didn't even really break up, he just pulled his old cowardly disappearing act. But this time I didn't contact him or chase him. I stopped caring. I had enough. It feels good. Being sober helps and it also keeps me sober because I feel strong. For the first time in 11 years, I can see how he is soooo not good for me and hasn't treated me with the love and respect I deserve in years. I'm not bitter, just over it. It's like a weight is lifted off my shoulders.
Sorry, just had to get that off my chest! I kind of feel like I breaking free not only from my addiction but also to my unhealthy, unrealistic attachment to this man.
And the last thing I want to do is ruin all this good stuff by drinking...., !