Originally Posted by
forabetterlife 
This pressure I put on myself can lead to me to a f&&)
;$ck it attitude - and just go buy a bottle of wine. Trying to go easy on myself, but it's become a pattern and we all know how hard they are to break.
We are our own worst enemies. I have fallen into this either/or type of thinking. Either I'm drunk and don't care about anything or I'm sober and I care about EVERYTHING! Finding the middle ground is hard.
I've had that very same f**k it attitude and it was a not-so hidden type of self-harm. I would research all the bad stuff that alcohol does to you and make a list. That actually seemed to fuel my self-destructiveness....knowing how bad it is! It wasn't until I started examining my thoughts and behavior patterns that I began to make headway.
Welp, had a good bday party for my son. No drinking by anyone, not even him....as far as I know.....But, according to him I'm kinda stupid :-)
Sober day 44 in the books.
Have a good evening folks.