Originally Posted by
NYCDoglvr 
This is what I would focus in in recovery. Sounds like you're looking for problems since overall he seems like a good guy. It helped me to stop projecting and stop second-guessing other people. Do you trust and respect him? Does he treat you with respect? My therapist had good advice: "everyone has problems, it just depends on which we can live with, which we can't."
Yes, he respects me greatly. I mean the guy will wake up at 5:30AM with me and make me breakfast and bring me tea in bed, when he doesn't have to be up until 7. He serves me....all the time. Won't let me lift a finger unless I make it clear I can do it myself. He cooks for me, is romantic (at times), etc. When I had a headache 2 weeks ago and needed to lie down, he came over and stroked my hair, and said, "What can I do for you to help make this better?"
The eye contact thing I noticed he is like that with everyone so I don't take it personal. It's just weird and different. When we do lock eyes and I have his full attention I never feel off. I just feel like sometimes his mind is elsewhere and he's admitted he struggles with being present.
Honestly, when we're together, I never feel that things are off or hinky. He has made it clear that he's a one woman kind of guy and his friends have pretty much told me he's boring and accuse him of being too stable and responsible. I think I pick apart every little thing with a fine tooth comb looking to find the problem, the red flag, the issue, the other shoe dropping, the whatever that will make me say, "See, I knew it. I knew it couldn't be that good."
Yes, there are quirks and weird stuff, but I have my quirks and weird stuff, too. Believe me, he gets on my case about my stubborn streak and my constant need to be busy and doing things, etc. He has to nearly force me to just lay and relax with him. It drives him crazy that I don't rest and just enjoy quiet times.
The previous marriage dissolved because she told him she didn't feel loved by him and she was having a sexting affair with her personal trainer. She wasn't getting her needs met. According to him, she's a bit of a narcissist, comes from money, and thought she was better than everybody else and it bled into some marriage issues for them.
We did talk exclusivity early on in the relationship but it was only about sexual exclusivity. Other than that, we don't really talk about us but honestly, I haven't been ready for that conversation myself anyway.
As for being a surrogate mom to the kids, I know I won't step into that role. He talked about that once and made it clear that I'm only the second woman he's dated who he's let around his children. He protects them and does a great job of being dad and balancing his single fatherhood. I don't think he's looking to pass off responsibilities as he's not a lazy father. He's active and engaged with his kids 100%, just as I am when I have my son with me.
Praying mentioned below to trust my gut. Well, most of the time my gut tells me things are great and too good to be true when I'm in his presence. When we're apart is when I catastrophize everything and pick apart stuff. And, so, I stop trusting my gut because it feels like my intuition is being torn between my codependent crazy side and the side of me that says, "Relax, more will be revealed. Take it one day a time and just enjoy what is good and what is really working well for right now." It's like I have rational and irrational Liz battling it out when I'm not in his presence but when I'm in his presence, I'm relaxed and I enjoy our time together without questioning his motives, picking apart his character, or feeling like I have unmet needs.
UGH.....I thought this dating stuff would be easy, LOL. BWWAAHHHAHAHAH! NOT!