Hello friends, thank you for the warm welcome back. I can't tell you how good it feels to be back here with all of you.
Snooz, your daughter looks so pretty
Leshar, I hope you are feeling better about your relationship. Try to think about it this way : maybe this is saving you from years and years of heartache.
I am on day 7 and feeling very positive and strong. It has been a long, tiring week back at school and I have been very emotional. Grieving for and missing my dad sober is very different than when I am in the middle of a drinking cycle. It's hard to explain, but I feel more connected to him and my feelings when I am sober. A few times a day, I cry out of nowhere, that gutteral cry that takes you over. I think that I lost some time in the grief process by drinking.
On the other hand, I am feeling very positive and relieved over the end of a very toxic back and forth relationship that has gone on way too long. This is the first time in this decade long relationship that I know we no longer belong together and I'm not holidng on for our right "time". Usually at this point in our breakups I'm writing long-winded letters and emails analyzing it all, crying, feeling angry, hurt and jealous, but also blaming myself in every possible way. Now I feel acceptance for what it once was, for what it is, and for the fact that it's over. It's new for me, but it feels good ! I need to take some time for me, work on my sobriety, my grief, myself. Someday, someway, I believe someone will come along, when the time is right.
I have a long to -do list today, which is a good thing. Busy is good for me. I have enjoyed a lazy morning with my computer and my coffee. Mornings look and feel nothing like this when I'm drinking. Yuck.
Hugs to all of you