Hello class, I'm back to Day 1.. Not where I want to be but not gonna beat myself up but get back up! I went to dinner and a concert and had planned to order tonic and lime, but when my friend ordered wine, I said I'll have a glass too, just like that
AV said you don't drink too much on an evening out so why not? Av whispered to me and I listened
I'm glad I don't have any more social situations like this coming up soon, don't think I'm ready,and I thought I was! Already decided to avoid a Labor Day party we were invited to. I don't want make it easy to be the secret by the bottle guzzler at home again , so not entertaining the thought of anything but abstinence. Today is trash day, when previously I would go around collecting hidden bottles to put in recycle bin after spouse left for work. Do not want to be in that horrible place again!
What I could have done last night was right when we sat down just said I'm not having wine, had a headache today or something, without having to get into the fact I'm an alcoholic. So lesson learned. I still am not comfortable making announcements or discussing my sobriety plan and drinking problem. I have told a couple friends, but the resultant questioning is tiresome (omg I had no idea, how many a day, why, who knows, etc etc, have you done this or that) and many questions in a row makes me anxious.. ... It's a childhood trigger thing. Then it's hard to say to the friend who is well meaning and caring, please no more questions, so for me it's best to stay private until I can handle the questioning.
I've not managed a week yet since a couple of weeks in July
and not happy about that, but relieved when I have caved to AV I have been able to stop without getting wasted or continuing on a binge. So slow and steady progress I guess, not the quick sprint to permanent sobriety I was hoping. but there it is, not defeated by any means, or accepting that social drinking will be okay for me. It's not.
Thanks all you lovely folks for being here. JL, DD, hang on, you can ride out the lows!