Morning all.
Day 29 here today. I can't get over how well I'm sleeping. My Dr says it is probably down to the Mirtazapine she put me on, but I attribute it to a significant shift in my mindframe in addition. Whatever it is, i'm not complaining. I am used to waking up 4 to 5 times a night and now I sleep through and wake up feeling refreshed.
I have been getting more and more frustrated as this week has gone on, I think its down to the fact that my sick note runs out (even though it will be extended no problem). I guess i'm really worried about having to go back to my job, which I hate. Also, everyone knows about my problems now as someone I confided in (Mental health - I didn't disclose the alcohol) has gotten careless with her mouth. I'm not ready to go back to work yet anyway I feel, but this is putting me into panic just thinking about it, and bringing uncopeable amounts of anxiety with it
I have looked into teaching as I wrote the other day, and I have also had a chat with the head of History at a local school whoo I know already, and he is going to see what he can do to get me a place. I'd have to study for a year obviously, but I can 'top up' my previous student loan. At least I would be working with something I love every day. I am absolutely mad about my history, and with my job now, I just don't get chance to do my research anymore. It would be nice to have the chance to inspire a few kids like one of my history teachers did with me.
What I am trying to remind myself constantly is that I have options and I am young enough at mid 20's to still do anything I want. Its probably not worth worrying about my current job if it makes me so miserable anyway. I did suggest to my current employer that I would CONSIDER a staggered return to work of no more than 3 days a week for a month or so, until Iam back on my feet. Occ health then passed this on so the ball is in their court. They are supposed to contact me but haven't, so I'm more than happy to continue handing my sick note in. I don't know why I get so stressed out about it, fortunately I don't have any kids / mortgage or anything. I guess its fear that I might make the wrong choice.
Anyway - planning on some exercise today to get the endorphins going and take my mind off work. Looks like good weather for a bike ride here in the UK.
BeFree - Sorry to hear about your slip. Being accountable here and getting everything off my chest certainly helps me, no matter how trivial. Look after yourself for now and get back on the sobercoaster
Take care all,
B