Bob, your post made me start to cry....at work!
It is so sad, but true, withdrawing and secrecy is the last thing we need, but the worst part of this illness.
I'm hearing you Snooz. When I want to drink, the last thing I want is to go somewhere (here) and know I'm gonna be told what I already know. I agree doctor is a good idea. Not only that....some long term counselling or support. Don't underestimate how big this hurt about your granddaughter is and all the stuff you want fixed.
You deserve better than this.xx