Other than me he really doesn't have family and friends that support his recovery.
He actually has a HUGE family and TONS of friends to support his recovery--he has all of AA, worldwide, to back him up. No matter where he goes, he's almost certain to find a meeting and people who "get" him in a way a non-A never can.
My ex got sober for over a month and had a relapse a few weeks ago.
He's done this all on his own.
Please don't take this wrong, but getting sober for a short period and then relapsing doesn't really count as "all this", at least in my opinion. What it sounds like to me is that he made a token effort at "recovery" in order to keep you on the hook. Now he is insisting he "can't do it w/o you." If you give in and go back to him, every time he slips in the future, it will be b/c of something
you did or didn't do--obviously you didn't support his recovery correctly, or he would have been successful, right? If you really had the power to make him be sober, I somehow think you'd have used it before now...
Here's my story: My A drank secretly for years and years--really secretly, spending our savings w/o my knowledge. I was clueless, but when I found out 6-1/2 years ago, he immediately said he'd go to AA. He pretended to go to meetings for 4 more years, and I believed him. Then 2-1/2 years ago, I caught him clearly drunk again--he'd never stopped drinking, hiding it, lying about it or spending our joint savings. This time, he actually went to meetings, got a sponsor, etc., but things were still not better. Last fall I filed for divorce but converted it to legal separation (I needed to stay on his health insurance) which went thru in March. In late June, he came downstairs clearly drunk and confessed that he'd never stopped drinking this time either. I filed to change the separation to a divorce, which is now final.
The point of all this to you? That even though my XAH was/is going thru all the right
motions (meetings, sponsor), he still wasn't doing the right
actions (he told me that he had never once actually reached out to a fellow AA when he felt the desire to drink; he just picked up the bottle and drank). There is a saying about how simply going to meetings won't make you sober any more than standing in a garage will make you a car. It's true, and I think at best your A is standing in that garage, hoping you'll think he's a shiny red Alfa Romeo...
As others have said, please continue to take care of you, and put both these guys on the back burner for a good long while until you sort things out for yourself. I think with some time, some distance, and some attention to YOU, things will become a lot clearer and you'll know the right way to go.