Not sat and read back through the posts since I was last here. After a very brief stint of moderation I very quickly slipped into old habits. The chap I mentioned with the girlfriend I was a little misleading it did carry on a bit after he found out she was pregnant. It ate me up big time especially as I could see her facebook posts gushing about how great he is and what a happy family they will have. He was still planning to leave but wanted to time it so it went as smoothly as possible to reduce the chances of her moving far away from him with the kid. I drunkenly told her he was cheating. I backtracked in the morning but it left her thinking I am a crazy woman making stuff up and him hating me and completely cutting me out. For the best I guess I should have broken it off with some dignity sooner and suggested he look me up if he is ever single. Guess my drunk brain was forcing my hand on the matter but I would prefer not to have caused her that distress and for him to hate me.
No I did not quit drinking after letting it once again screw things up. I ploughed right on spending money I don't have and thinking today will be different, the switch that says go on have another won't get flicked. After all there had been a couple of nights it hadn't.
Day 1 my dears day 1.
I will sit tomorrow or something and read back and catch up on how everyone has been doing. Still not very focused and feeling very lonely and sad and stupid. Loosing a ten year relationship was fine, with the abuse that had been dead a long time. Losing that fling and that feeling there was someone out there in love with me hurts a lot more and I can't quite shake the tears.