Old 08-08-2015, 08:30 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
CodeJob
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Good morning!

I am sorry of you took my post yesterday in a negative manner. I was just curious so I could respond better to where you are at. Most people join SR to FIX their addict partner OR get knowledge to DEPART their addict relationship after a number of years of putting up with the addiction cycle.

You made a serious decision to legally marry after 12 years that were rocky. You knew exactly what to expect. You've been there many, many times. You are either running the 'family' on your own due to a binge or a financial crisis. you are probably single handedly the one who is always on duty with your child. And yes the walking on egg shells is heart-crushing. They crunch and crunch if you are talking about sex or if he can pick up milk on the way home. But you know all of this Jennie.

You can't win. Your love and dedication can't fix him. He is likely always - even sober - to have issues with stress and emotions. As his partner, you will always be the handiest blast target.

So you basically married the man you THINK he can be and you are living with who he's always showed you to be - an active alcoholic. Both of these versions of your husband are housed in one body. You can't control which one is going to win his battle, but you've got the previous 12 years to use as a strong indicator.

I came to SR in year 18 of my marriage after kicking him out of the house for drinking. He is sober and we are still trying to rebuild our marriage at 2+ years of sobriety and my recovery work. It is very very hard. It would be much easier to divorce. When I write of your situation, I speak now with 21 years marriage experience. I would not wish my marriage on anyone. It has been one long incredible lesson in codependency and loneliness. Marriage should NOT be this hard. You, Jennie, I see working awfully hard.
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