Originally Posted by March1234

All,

New to the forum, but was suggest to post here for answers for the following problem:

All,
Looking for some direction as to where to get ideas and/or help to prevent a relapse or alcohol problem from reoccurring with a special friend, whom I'm with... here's the details:

I divorced my wife of 40 years a few years ago because of her alcohol problem that we tried solving for about 20 years without success. After many councilors, expensive full time programs, etc., etc., nothing worked and I gave up. We parted friendly and we remained very good friends after the separation and divorce. We always cared for each other. The years preceding the divorce were difficult,

I did get involved with another woman and came close to making it permanent, but ended up with some issues that couldn't be solved, we parted several months ago.

My ex wife had been sober for the previous 16 months, however, she occasionally had some wine with friends. She had totally quit the binge drinking and remained sober (by definition, I mean not under the influence). I reconnected with her and because of our caring for each other, we are going to try to finish our lives out together. We've been together now for over 3 months, and had only one scare (had two drinks), but otherwise, I've had no issues.

She is still concerned when we talk about it, but we have decided to put the past ugliness and fighting behind us permanently and go forward with a positive future, but we clearly agreed that the alcohol abuse cannot return.

So far, so good.

I'm also a drinker, but a moderate light beer drinker, and don't ever get high, and as time goes on, I'm consuming less and less. I've told her, if my beer is ever and issue, I'll not drink. She does not have an issue with this.

So, here's my question: Where can I go, or what forum can I post in to get information and knowledge that will support her with her soberness? She wants the option to have an occasional glass of wine. Right now it's about twice a month. I want to be positive with her, but I am cautious and concerned about any future problems. I don't want to threaten her or give ultimatums, but be there when or if she needs support to make her succeed. I know that the wine could be an issue and could invite a relapse. I've read that her success with that is around 10%, which is small. But that's better than not being with her at all, so my goal is to work with that and be supportive enough to help her so that it's not a problem.

I'm not a fan of AA, or a lot of the larger organized methods. I feel the best success is getting her to accept the issues and risk (which she has so far).

She has also dramatically changed her whole live in the time we've been apart. Her outlook is better, health and physically condition is better, and she is more active. She has volunteered for some things which has helped a lot. Right now, she is looking for more volunteering.

We also spend time together. We allow for an hour or more when we get up with coffee, and dinners and relax after with tv or just relax watching the sun go down. We do dinner out once a week or more, do outdoor activities like kayaking, walking, etc.

Sounds pretty good, and it is. Just want to keep it that way.

Also, looking for alternative ideas, perhaps hypnosis, medication to prevent drinking, and other things that could be an option.

Comments?