Hi all.
Today, 8-3-15, is day 1 for me. Again.
I had about 4.5 months alcohol free at the start of this year, but then decided to do more "research." I'm not going to lie, at first it was fun. I was kind of relived to have the option to drink and get drunk back in my life. That feeling of fun and relief lasted about a month or so. Then it started being a struggle again. I tried to set limits but couldn't keep them. Still, I wasn't ready to stop altogether. The last month with alcohol has been no fun at all. I feel terrible all the time--exhausted, dehydrated, bloated, ashamed. I wake up resolved to stop but by the afternoon I soften. I think "Hey, I might be overreacting a bit here. Just relax and have a drink." I don't start drinking until the evening but it's that moment in the afternoon where my brain switches over. Next thing I know, I'm waking up hungover again and depressed.
Something changed in the last few days, though. I'm ready to stop. Last week I knew I needed to stop but I wasn't ready and wasn't willing to go back to AA. Now I want to stop and would be thrilled to go back to AA. I just want to be done with this ****. It's ruining my life.