Would like input from Recovering Alcoholics
My husband has been in alcohol rehab for 2 months. He is due to come home in less than 2 weeks now. He doesn't seem to have made near as much progress as what I initially had expected. He is still easily agitated, and we have been undergoing joint counseling sessions over the phone. When the topic is about something he doesn't like (which it always is), he will either walk out on the session, or divert the conversation so that the issue is never really discussed. I was looking online today and I came across a post on wordpress from a woman who said that a woman she knew had a husband that had just gotten out of rehab. This woman had spoken to one of her AA/AlAnon friends about the fact that her newly sober husband didn't want to do anything productive. He would lay around, watch TV and spend his time with his new sober friends. She said he no longer helped out around the house and never wanted to go anywhere with her. The advice she received from her AA/AlAnon friend was Sit Down, Shut Up and Smile. Basically she was advised that for the first year of her husband's recovery, he would be spending all of his energy finding ways to get by in his new life without substances. And because if this, she was to not make any demands or have any expectations. The only exception is if she saw her husband engaging in behaviors or going down a path that might lead him back to his substance abuse again. In those circumstances, she was to speak to him about the facts only (no emotion) and boundaries and then stop. For wives that have endured years of feeling like they are on the back burner or sometimes even nonexistent to their husband, this advice seems very unfair and almost sounds like enabling behavior. It's like we don't matter when they are drinking because they come first. They still come first in rehab. And then afterwards, nothing changes? I just want to know if this is an accurate portrayal of how things are supposed to be for a husband in early sobriety. Like I said, my husband doesn't sound to me to have made a lot of progress yet, so it sounds like a scenario like that would be similar to what's going to happen when he comes home. Would this no demands/no expectations strategy actually work over time to get them to do what they should be doing at home or would it just teach the recovering alcoholic that no matter what happens they will always be able to do what they want and someone else will always pick up the slack? I am confused and my husband is coming home soon. Advice?