Welcome Sillyboy. UP and sourgrapes the anxiety part is a major factor for my relapse in the past too. During my last week or so of my 91 day stint of sobriety last time I let everything get to me. My journal read: “I feel like my damn head is going to just explode!” It was like a physical pressure. I was snapping at my kids, picking battles at work and obsessing on them. And when I chose to drink it was a conscious semi-self-harm choice because I was just so out of sorts. But I think I’ve learned a few things this go-round and have a better perspective.
As for the AV being gone I really think the Allen Carr book has helped. At the restaurants this week I actually paid attention to other people drinking. It was fascinating to see how they coddled the drink, and how they behaved differently….not in a good way….than the non-drinkers. I genuinely felt “poor sap, it’s got you and you don’t even know it…”. You paid a lot of money for that drink that actually makes you thirsty, it really does not taste as good as a coke, you are acting a little foolish, and you are risking getting a dui driving your kids back to the condo. AND you are brainwashed into thinking it is “healthy”. What a fool. AND I know that you’d punch me in the face if I mentioned any of this because deep down….you know it’s a lie and its very upsetting to have anyone point it out….
And speaking of driving, I gotta pack up and get out of this place. I have a 5 hr drive ahead, which is not too bad. I’ll arrive during danger time so I’m planning to eat before I even get home and/or have to go to the grocery store to stock up.