Angie247 - I had nights like the one you described. My life revolved around drinking for a long time. It took me a while to learn how to unwind without alcohol. There's a saying "move a muscle, change a thought." I found a change of scenery helped me early in when I was deep in a craving. That's why I went to AA in the first place - it was a place where I could go for an hour where there wouldn't be alcohol. Plus there was coffee and cookies.
Can you let us know how your night went when you get a chance?
Amp - I can really, really relate to your post - both the situation you found yourself in and your thoughts and feelings about it.
I can share advice I've heard. I don't necessarily agree with it or disagree with it. I'm just sharing it to give you something to think about. People new to sobriety ought to put ourselves, our needs, our sobriety first. To follow that advice to the letter is to suggest that you don't put yourself in a triggering situation until you are on firmer footing with your sobriety.
I didn't follow that advice. I felt like I owed it to my husband to accompany him to certain gatherings, including ones that I didn't like and others that were triggering for me. I struggled a lot dealing with them - I had many of the thoughts and feelings that you described in your post.
What helped me was I started to build escape mechanisms for myself. Like, when I took a boozy family vacation last summer, I made time away from the group to post on SR or read self help/recovery books. I went out with only my immediate family once or twice. I stayed in my cottage and watched tv while the other adults drank into the wee hours of the night. Still, it felt exhausting. This winter when it was time to commit to joining the group again this summer, I wasn't comfortable with it.
While you're visiting your wife's family, continue to protect your sobriety. If that means pretending so sleep, so be it! Get through it. Next time you can plan differently. She can go without you, you can stay in a hotel, you take excursions away from her family - or what ever other compromise works.
Changing the way I do things isn't easy, and doesn't always make other people happy, but I've learned that my happiness, comfort and sobriety are just as important as what other people want.