I echo and thank you guys for all the wisdom here. It's amazing how hard this battle can be, and we fight against ourselves. Lately it's truly been one day at a time for me, hoping I'll get to where I don't feel like I have to cut deals with myself to get another sober day under my belt. Just trying to accept where I am in the process.
And Arbor - there's no shame here. If there were, I'd be quite unwelcome after broadcasting my two months of drunken madness. It's true that we all learn from each other's journeys, and I'm grateful for every tidbit of wisdom and experience I find here.