I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my dad about a month ago and I relapsed after his funeral. It didn't make me feel better. In fact, it made me feel much, much worse. I was also very close with my dad and it is still hard, but I'm surviving. You can, too. I read through a few different websites on grief (which I should have done BEFORE his funeral when I lost control) they really helped me understand what I was feeling and why I was feeling that way. I think understanding that helped me a lot moving forward. Just knowing that as bad as I was feeling wouldn't be that way all the time, at least not to the extent.
There's not much else I can say except that I'm very sorry and I understand and I know that staying sober hurts, but compromising your sobriety will hurt more. Hugs.