Dean, honey, you're going through one of the hardest things.
My mother, who was my best friend, too, died a little over a year ago. I gave myself permission to drink all I wanted to. Because it hurt and I didn't care.
But it was not the right decision in any way, for many reasons. One: you HAVE to grieve. You have to feel the pain of losing her, not numb it away. If you don't go through a proper grieving period, the grief will just grow bigger and bigger. A year after my mom's death, I thought I was doing all right. But then we had a memorial service and it was as if she had just passed away that day. I was simply crushed by the sadness. I wanted to lie on her grave and die. (And then continued drinking and went into a ridiculous period of blackouts, etc). Drinking didn't make me feel better. It stopped me from feeling better.
You know what to do. Use her love to keep you strong. xoxoxo