Originally Posted by
SwimKim12 
Hi, All. I hope everyone is well. I did some reflecting today on where I was when I was drinking...as I was out on my lunchtime walk I passed the liquor store that I used to stop at on my way to the train after work. The lady who worked there got to know me quickly (knew that I never needed a bag because I'd hide the four-pack of mini bottles of wine in my lunch bag and purse). I had about a 35 minute ride on the train in which I got to the point that I was drinking two of the bottles and then driving home from the station. Beyond the limit for a DUI? Likely. I'd then drink the other two bottles at home (hiding them from my bf in the bathroom sink and drinking them in the shower because I thought it would hide the smell). Try and avoid him the rest of the evening so he wouldn't outright question me if I was drunk. That was a sad and pathetic place to be. I'm glad to not put myself and others at risk by driving buzzed/drunk. I'm so ashamed of that.
I'm grateful for my sobriety and the opportunities that I've been given for a meaningful life. Thinking of you all tonight!
I totally identify with this, Swim. After work I'd be in the bar for one or two and then into the car for the 20 minute drive from town to town. I'd generally stop and buy 4 cans and drink 2 in the car. Sometimes another in the garage when I got home. Thus fortified I would arrive home where I would drink, on the surface a "normal" amount (2 openly and sneak another 2). Hangover in the morning and repeat performance the following day. Apart from irresponsible and dangerous I think about the time, energy, money and anxiety. I think about the lies and deceit. I think I had a problem. I never want to go back and now I have the choice!
Thanks for sharing, Swim. My memory of my own parallel behaviour pattern was beginning to fade. I want to keep it prominent as a warning to myself and others. No wonder I hated myself. I don't hate myself anymore. Maybe one day I'll forgive myself too. All I can manage in the meantime is to try to make up for lost time and thank God or anyone who'll listen that I'm out.
Wow! Quite an intense start to the day here! I certainly wasn't expecting this strength of feeling when I started typing. think I'm beginning to feel angry at my addicted self for all the lost time! Hope you all have a great day. If Monday is a fun day, what is Tuesday?