Hi darling:
I am an alcoholic and I never drank mouthwash.
I agree with Silentrum that you are getting the "not that bads". Your AV is taking over. Drinking less doesn't really mean anything because you have the rest of your life and if you keep it up you probably will end up over doing it again. Normies do not think about moderation. In my experience it was exhausting at it really didn't work I always ended up overdoing it eventually... And it $ucked!
You say "maybe I'm not an alcoholic?" Only you can answer that. Who is your behavior going to affect? You. What we post is solely based in what you tell us so take it for what it is. We all want to see you succeed. I assure you that. We wish you weren't struggling.
Please be objective and try to get outside yourself when you're having this internal conversation. Read a AVRT and try to recognize it. In the end it is all up to you and you can do it.
Sending you hugs!