Hey ArtFriend,
You seem to be tortured both with and without the alcohol. Does it really matter what type of alcohol? There is no judgment here, AF. One year before I came to SR I spent a week amongst those who, I now realize, had voluntarily enrolled in IOP. There was not a chance in heck at that time that I would stop drinking as I was still entrenched so there was no dance or discussion. The others, however, universally expressed a willingness to figure out how to live without substances. I sense that you are sick of the dance but remain stuck. I think. What is next?