Hi Dee. He told me not to isolate, and I'm complying as best I can.
I'm afraid to be around anyone because I feel like no one wants to deal with me. I'm a miserable pain in the ass, and I've already put my friends and family through hell. I can't be like this again. I know it's not my fault necessarily, but nevertheless I feel so guilty for getting depressed again. I'm afraid people will resent me, and already do.
I'm going to see my mom tomorrow, which will be a lot of fun for my daughter. My mom lives way out in the country. When I talked to her last night, she mentioned that she's not drinking right now. Then she said that she has been eating a lot of junk food and explained that "when you drink like I do, when you quit you crave a lot of sugar." I had no idea her drinking was that bad. She also told me she just went to Nevada with my aunt to visit my uncle who apparently is dying from cirrhosis. I didn't even know he was an alcoholic. Both sides of my family tree is ripe with drunks. So now I'm worried about my mom.
I feel like I'm in a different dimension. I keep thinking I'm getting better, but then I realize I'm worse, and I can't gauge it anymore.
Of course I want to isolate, I'm losing my damn mind, nobody wants to deal with that.
I'll call my psychiatrist next week if this doesn't improve over the weekend.
Anyway, sorry guys, and thanks for the well wishes. I hope everyone is good. Mark I hope you're having a great time in the city. Arbor thank you for the vote of confidence. You're clearly a great parent yourself. Miss you V. We haven't chatted in a while.