Today is the day and I am happily on my day 5! This is the longest I've gone in many years without a drink. Last night was so difficult but i got past it. I know my relationships with my old friends aren't that healthy. I think that's on me and it's what I'm trying to fix. But I would be lying if I said I didn't have a huge fear of losing my closest friends, even if I am logically aware that the way I view the friendship is toxic and harmful. Anyway, my biggest trigger friend is not attending now because of a funeral. I felt relief and then huge shame for my relief when I found out. I have to admit it takes the pressure off immensely and then I told the other friend who doesn't pressure but whom I love drinking with that I would drive her and her hub because they are from out of town. She was disappointed but understood (I told her I have too much to do tomorrow and open bar+me=bad news). I would and have never drank + drove and no one in these friends would pressure me on that front so I'm giving myself another reason if the "me" reasons aren't enough tonight. and I have no booze at home and it will be too late to get some when the weddings over so I won't be tempted there. (I mean I will be tempted but won't be able to do anything about it lol).