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Old 07-16-2015, 10:06 PM
  # 80 (permalink)  
whiteturtle
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Michigan
Posts: 205
Casey, I'm sorry I didn't respond last night, but your posts were extremely helpful. Thank you so much for taking the time and care to be there for me. I read over your responses, and others', several times. Having the understanding and support of this place is insanely helpful, to the point of being necessary. I wouldn't be doing this without all of you, I'm sure.

Sleepie, thanks so much for your thoughts today. I am so sorry you've had a rough go today. I'm so impressed how you are sticking to a healthy diet on top of tapering/detoxing...that takes some real dedication.

JL, I'm sorry your birthday vacation day got thwarted. I know how that is, it seems like there's never a real break. That is so great of you to help out your other job; I hope they appreciate it! Do you get a chance this weekend to relax? I am sorry, too, that your wife is being so financially unreasonable. Finances are stressful enough even when they're under control, let alone when you are drowning in someone else's spending compulsions. Does she realize how serious her spending is, and how very negatively it is affecting your life?

I know I am missing responses I wanted to make...I am on the mobile app which is great for reading through, but not for posting and quoting. I will have to come back through when I can to really respond to everyone. I am reading all of your posts, though, Class, and thinking of you all, and cheering on your victories, and empathizing with your sorrows.

I still feel in a funk today. The craving for wine hasn't been there as much today as yesterday (not nearly), perhaps just a few fleeting moments. I even went to trivia and didn't even think twice about ordering a Coke and not having wine...didn't really even want the wine. It was frustrating, though, because our buzzer wasn't working, and a new host was leading the trivia; she didn't really know how to fix the issue, and sort of just apologized. So, my teammates were getting really negative and annoyed. I just felt bad for the host; she's new and was trying to deal with a whole room of people/teams while running the game and equipment...and really, it's just a game. So if our buzzer doesn't work or the host doesn't know how to help, no use getting pissy or fussy, or angry with her for it. It's like my post in my first five days of sobriety, when I was with my (basically) in-laws, and their constant negativity just makes me shut down and turn to wine. Normally on a night like this one, I would probably have ordered an extra glass of wine (along with the two or three I would have already had), and probably a shot, too, and then looked forward to getting home so I could be alone, away from the stress of the negativity. and have another bottle. Sigh. I am instead reading my book with some tea and contemplating going to bed soon.

I just feel depressed still. The second week of sobriety, I was so buoyant and happy and relieved. Now, though, I just feel empty, lost, dejected.

Has anyone experienced this in their sobriety journey? I don't know if it's a natural progression, or if there are always just lots of ups and downs. Whatever it is, I dislike it. I have been so tired and blah that I can't summon the energy to get things done, including responding to everyone's posts and being here for all of you! I feel so bad that I haven't been as present here the last few days, other than my crisis moments. So I apologize to you all, but want you to know I read every post and am right there with you all.

Day 18 starts when I wake up in seven hours.
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