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Old 07-16-2015, 05:20 AM
  # 245 (permalink)  
DrakeCKC
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 2,294
Originally Posted by OneLessLonely View Post
Morning Overs,
Today's gonna be a long one. Early wake up after trouble going to bed. I was pretty emotional after last night's meeting. I have had crippling social anxiety which I thought had gotten better (and it has, in some circumstances). But it seems to have come back with a vengeance at meetings. I want what a lot of these people have. I want to be like a lot of these people. But I can't even get my words out in the right order just making small talk, much less share so everyone can be familiar with me. The things I would share about are things I have barely ever spoken about out loud. And I know that's how everyone was when they first started going. But I dunno. I got onto the hamster wheel of "there's something wrong with me" and "I'm not {insert any quality here} enough." Just a pretty hopeless feeling.
OLL. I can so relate, you are not alone in this. Social anxiety is a menace. The situation you describe would have me in tears in a New York minute. If I am rehearsed, planned and ready, I can speak in front of 4,000 people and actually enjoy it. But I would then go to great lengths to avoid talking to any of them individually after.

First AA meeting I went to was like that. It was huge and I felt totally overwhelmed. As soon as the ending Amen was said, I was out the door in a flash.

One of the reasons I love forums like this, I can express what my voice won't let me do face to face.

Dee makes a good point, many others feel that way too. I need to realize that as well.

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