Today Mom Cleaned furniture downstairs (the 3 pieces we are think are saveable) and I cleaned the bathroom out. It wasn't perfect, cause things are such a mess! got out a lot of mud (it is a lot less than what was there 2 months ago, but it turns to sludge when you try to clean it up). It will need further cleaning after they figure out what needs to be done in the room but it will be more manageable now.
It's helped a lot to realize that a lot of the stuff about how I'm reacting is just agrevated PTSD. Also the people helping as volunteers (who also do this as pro's) talked to me about how I need to talk more about how hard it is... That sounds so wrong, but they have worked with people and situations from Huricane Katrina, and several major tornados in the mid-west and they said you need to talk about it ... not just the positive help your getting but about the fear, anxiety and stuff that is going on even now ... and the time it takes to get past all the physical and mental damage from this...
I don't want to live in fear! But the first step is to admit that I am living in it right now and it is controlling a lot of my life. It helps just to admit it. In just 2 days, I already am beginning to feel a bit more like I can stop fighting the fear and just admit it is there and then start taking action without letting the fear paralyze me or control my decisions.
I'm not sure how to express all this, but it is better. That said... I have to be honest about it that I am still struggling a lot and probably will for a while. I did have a night without nightmares of tornados, huricanes, collapsing buildings, etc. But then I had the nightmares a gain last night. It will take time
People need to be kind to themselves as well as others
OK ... I need to spend time with mom (and pee!).... I'll post later!