I can relate to all too. My dad was an alcoholic and my mom was very abusive . I was burnt with matches, canes across the backs of my fingers and been told I should have never been born, a long with sexual abuse.. For years I blamed both my parents. Then I got sober and stopped blaming them. My dad could not help being an alcoholic. My Mom disiplined me the way she was as a child. I forgave my parents and thought the buck stops here. I tried AA meetings but never felt comfortable in them. I made a couple ACA meetings and felt right at home. Unfortunately my sponsor would not let me do ACA meetings so that was an end to that. I white knucled sobriety for 17 years and finally went back out. At first it felt good but after about 5 months it makes me sick. Tomorrow I am going to see if I can sign myself into the behavoral ward in the hospital and get some help. I do not mean in any way to put AA down. But I feel that sometimes problems are a little deeper. If not for the program I could not have done 17 years. I just wish ACA was as big as AA. Thanks and sorry if I rambled but I really needed to do something now. Dave