Wow. I'm sorry that you're going through this. Addiction tends to make people totally oblivious as to why others would be upset by their addictions (they don't understand that although they're not shoving a needle in your arm and forcing you to get high, their addiction can be emotionally scarring for the people who care about them).
Also, and very sadly, until addicts can kick their habits and get some type of treatment or counseling, their drug of choice (or alcohol, as the case may be) will always come before anything or anyone else. It doesn't mean that they don't care about their loved ones, but when they're in active addiction, they have to have that drug. If forced to go too long without it, they become angry and irritable, and often completely unreasonable.
I hope that you both get the help you need soon.
Try to care for yourself the way that you wish he would (that's hard to do, and it may sound ridiculous, but what I mean is...be kind to yourself, do nice things for yourself, even if they're simple things like taking a bath or whatever makes you feel safe and cared for).
Sending lots of light and energy to you and the people you care for.