Checking in from Minne-so-tah. Today was my grandmother's 100th birthday. I went to visit her in the hospice and had lunch with my cousin, aunts and uncles, and mother. It was very nice, but at the same time there's definitely some tension in the air.
My grandmother has been in hospice for almost 8 months. As you can imagine, her condition has continued to decline. She has good days and bad days. It was pretty clear to me that when there are lots of people around, her ability to function and understand what's going on is pretty much zero. Both my mother and her sister (my aunt) have been listed as "emergency contacts" and often get several calls from the hospice every week. My grandmother rings a buzzer because her leg hurts. She claims she's waiting for a car to pick her up for dinner. She forgets who people are, etc, etc. She's had so many of these "episodes" and my mother and aunt are on the receiving end of basically every phone call with the details. It's been so hard on them. It's very transparent to see the co-dependency going on. They see her almost every day, but they still can't wrest themselves away from all the drama. They both want OUT of being in the position, but they've also cemented themselves into a role they cannot get out of until my grandma passes away.
I told my mom that I would bring my brother-in-law with me tomorrow to pick up my grandmother for the party. Originally, my mom and aunt were going to manage this (they manage EVERYTHING for my grandmother) but it's so stressful and full of negative energy for them....so I offered to take care of it with my BIL. They happily agreed and I could almost see the weight being lifted off their shoulders.
My grandmother will pass away soon (hospice, remember) so this won't be an issue for much longer. It's just so hard to see others around her struggling and being dragged into such anxiety. My mother has confessed that for tomorrow's party, she'd love it if my grandmother was her "old self again" just one last time. I told my mom that we'd all love it, but let's keep our expectations reasonable. My grandmother likely won't stay long, and will likely be confused for the majority of the outing. I think if everyone in the family could just accept that, we'd all have a nice time. But, I can only control myself and my own actions! So, I will pick up my grandmother tomorrow, get the wheelchair and my grandma into the car with the help of my BIL, and contribute the best I can. I will also remember to enjoy myself and not do too much nit-picking on how others handle the event. Their business, not mine.
Wish me luck folks, I think there will be some bumps in the road...but they'll be manageable. Ciao for now.