Martyrdom(mine)
So, my bf (not an A) and I were talking last night about some of my marriage issues that extended beyond the alcoholism. We talked about martyrdom (both mine and my XAH's) and my new bf was like, "I don't understand, can you give me an example?" Well, I couldn't come up with anything significant off the top of my head but I was encouraged that my new BF was befuddled by the idea of martyrdom inside a marriage.
So, later that night we were getting ready to go to bed and he always leaves a hall light on but it bothers me because I like it dark. He asked me, "Hey, do you want me to turn off the hall light? I know it bothered you in the past." I said, "No, don't worry about it. I'll just roll over and turn the other way." He got a bit perturbed at me and was like, "Liz. If it bothers you, just say so." I was forced to admit that, yes, the stupid hall light bugged me! He went to turn the light off and when he walked back into the room I said, "Hey, remember our conversation about being a martyr? I believe I just gave you a great lesson right there!"
This new relationship has given me some wonderful chances to see just how far I have come and how healthy I am compared to 4-5 years ago, but it's also shown me how I still have lots of growth ahead of me and lots of lessons, too. So grateful that I was given a chance to see that I still need to learn to speak my mind without the fear of hurting someone else's feelings or without fear of retaliation or passive aggressive behavior, etc. Some habits and behaviors are so engrained in us; but at least today I have awareness and that's what's really important to me.